(Trigger warning)

As usual, I felt nothing.

I have known the scorching clarity of raw emotions: the fire of anger, the ripping ache of pain, loneliness so transparent it might as well be glass, pride shattered into a thousand pieces. I am so familiar with these feelings that I can tell exactly where they’ll land next—whether they’ll rush through my body, settle heavily in my heart, or invade my mind in the very next second. When I was a child, the adults around me tried with all their might to tame these turbulent waves, to restrain the chaos that swept over me. And so, I, too, learned to become a well-behaved, silent glass vessel.

But who, I wonder, is the thief that stole my joy?

“How could you not feel happiness if you can write something like the beginning of that piece?”

“Even those of us reading your words can feel it, so surely, you can too!”

I know this is what you’d say to me. I’ve asked my own heart this same question countless times, just as you would.

Wake up. Wake up—NOW. The very thing you crave most in this life, the happiness you dare not even imagine, it’s right here, breathing before you, within arm’s reach. Happiness, please, break over me like a wave of clear, surging ocean water; nourish me with your dazzling light, drench my soul that has prayed night and day but is now nearly burnt to embers. Just a little—give me just a taste of sweetness. Otherwise… why am I even here…

…

Drowning, I thought I saw a glimmer of light far below, deep in the sea. And then God created a vast, transparent glass box filled with air, appearing before me as if out of nowhere. I heard the voices of well-wishers, saying, “You’ve found happiness. We can see it shining right before your eyes.” A miracle, they called it.

Eagerly, I moved closer. This was the answer to happiness. This was my last chance, my one true chance in this life.

But the air was sealed tight within the glass, with no crack, no opening to escape.

In tiny letters on the box, it read:

“To experience more content, please support genuine games.”

Fuck you God.